I feel emotionally all blocked up, like a stuffy nose. For a while I've been feeling like I want to cry, but I fight it every time. The only times I've come close was while watching Avengers: Infinity War (oh, I'd talk about this, but spoilers), and a clip for a uni assignment that followed the story of a young girl in foster care. And of course, that feels like fake crying anyway.
I turned 21 four days ago, not that that has had an impact on anything. I had been looking forward to my 21st for about a year, but when it finally came, I was so sick of hearing about it that I was glad for it to be over. Actually, I don't know why I brought that up. That has pretty much nothing to do with anything.
But no matter. I feel like eventually it'll get the better of me. I won't be able to stifle the tears further, and they'll just force themselves out. And, I mean, it's not entirely me holding them back. Many times I've wanted to cry, but just couldn't. It's a frustrating cycle. When I can cry, it's not an appropriate time or place. When it is acceptable to cry, I can't.
I don't know what's going to happen. For now, I guess I'll just continue on in this numb state.
~SA
No comments:
Post a Comment