I current;y cannot focus on anything aside from my back. Yesterday's eight-hour shift, standing the whole time, has taken its toll, and my lower back is not happy. I feel like I should just deal with it and get on with everything, but that's hard to do when you're not used to it.
I've been pretty depressed today, too, though I'm not sure if that's just for selfish reasons or not.
***
I'm finding it hard to write tonight. I keep getting distracted. Along with my back, I'm pretty tired, and I keep zoning out. Perhaps I should just get some rest instead. I kind of feel obligated to write, though. I don't know.
I think I'm falling back into my rut of doing everything to hide the fact that I need help, of presenting an image of having everything under control, when in reality, everything is completely falling apart. Or I'm being dramatic. I tend to do that.
I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing typing this, what I'm doing as far as my family is concerned, what I'm doing with uni, what I'm doing with life in general. I have another commitment, which is actually each night. My Facebook page, Chapter a Day (shameless plug: facebook.com/bibleaday), needs to be updated each night. And I have a team for that, but I hate relying on them. I feel like it's my responsibility, that I need to keep it going. I feel bad for asking them to help out, because they have their own things they need to do.
Well, I guess the chapter isn't going to post itself. I should probably get to it.
~Silently Aching (double meaning tonight)
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