Music

It's been quite a while since I last wrote, so I think there may be a lot to catch up on. That said, I can't think of anything specific.

This past week has been pretty low for me, with yesterday and today being the peak of my emotional mess. I've been struggling with insecurities and social anxiety, and it's been getting in the way of my relationships.

The past month, in fact, has been terrible as far as sleep is concerned. A good friend of mine suggested playing music on a timer until I fall asleep. I tried it the past four nights. The first and third times it worked quite well, and I felt refreshed when I awoke, though I still got really tired quite quickly throughout the day. The second night it didn't work at all, though that may have been because I was distracted by something. And last night I had to turn it off because it was actually making me anxious. So it seems to be quite hit-and-miss.

I am currently listening to one song on repeat through my headphones, and it is putting me in a state of absolute bliss. The song is called Zen Mode (YouTube link here), and is from the soundtrack of a game called Alto's Adventure (web link here). And yes, this game gets a plug. It is actually quite helpful for me to de-stress, though it doesn't have 100% success rate. Nothing does. But for now, the music has lifted the anxiety, and I feel a little freer.

I have an assignment due in just under a week. It's not a big assignment - the first section is essentially note-taking, and the second is only 400 words - but I have no idea how to tackle it. I probably need a good night's sleep, and to sit down in front of it again tomorrow with a clear head and a cup of Earl Grey tea. It shouldn't take more than a day or two at most to get it knocked over.

I also have a quiz for another course that opens over the weekend. I find quizzes and exams and the like to be relatively easy and stress-free. You sit down, answer the questions, and are done. There isn't a long and drawn-out process of finalising each section, of planning and drafting, and all the other things that go along with essays. There's one right answer and a bunch of wrong answers. That is all. No grey areas. No "Well maybe in this scenario, but you could do this better." None of that. Just straight, black-and-white, right or wrong answers. It appeals to my strangely analytical mind.

I say strange because I tend to be quite creative. I don't even pretend to understand for a moment why I absolutely adore maths so much when my brain works in music and literature. Keeps things interesting, I guess. And it makes me just that little bit more unique.

~SA